I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You are the jesus of drinking
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
