Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
