Are we in a gay sports bar?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
