He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
