He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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