No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
