it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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