Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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