Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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