I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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