When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
