Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
