Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
