i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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