That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
