90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Text me some of your sweat
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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