im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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