but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
