you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
