Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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