just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
