Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
