Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
