I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
