is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
