I'm gonna have a badass scar
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
