So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The Olympian is in my bed
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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