so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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