pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
