my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
