Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
