I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have feelings that need drinking.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
