don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
