i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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