Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
