I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
