Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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