Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
