Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
