I have demons in me.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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