She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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