I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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