i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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