He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
