The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
