filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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