one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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