you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
