my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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