WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
