we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
