the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
