Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
