Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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