I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
