a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
